1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,440
While some people saw Hungry Paul

2
00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:06,520
as a man of little aspiration
or achievement,

3
00:00:06,520 --> 00:00:11,320
his mother Helen, preferred to think
of him as a sunfish,

4
00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:14,600
a creature she happened upon
while visiting an aquarium.

5
00:00:16,720 --> 00:00:20,880
The sunfish had
an idiosyncratic charm,

6
00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:24,880
drifting contentedly through
the waters of life at his own pace.

7
00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:30,000
Years later, after a long and
difficult birth

8
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:33,480
with Hungry Paul, Helen made herself
a promise.

9
00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:38,520
If her son survived, she would
never ask any more

10
00:00:38,520 --> 00:00:43,800
of him than to move at just
the pace nature had intended.

11
00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:46,400
And so she accepted him exactly as

12
00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:49,560
he was, watching him glide
through life

13
00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:51,800
at precisely the right speed
for him.

14
00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:56,000
Her very own sunfish.

15
00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:20,040
Whereas people generally vary their
lunch and dinner habits,

16
00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:22,680
at breakfast, it is accepted
the world over

17
00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:26,920
that it is better to find a system
and stick to it.

18
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:29,520
For Hungry Paul, it was simple.

19
00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:32,280
One large orange juice.

20
00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:34,760
One cup of tea with four sugars.

21
00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:40,160
Three Weetabix.

22
00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:43,840
Ten banana slices.

23
00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:47,320
And nine minutes of unhurried tea
drinking.

24
00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:53,720
He was a fan of routine
and familiarity,

25
00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:55,560
which, when so much else was new,

26
00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:58,760
changing or doubtful in life,
made breakfast

27
00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:01,840
Hungry Paul's favourite meal
of the day.

28
00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:03,320
OK, love, I'm off out.

29
00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:06,080
If you're going to visit
Mrs Hawthorne later,

30
00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:08,560
you might bring those chocolates
for the nurses.

31
00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:11,160
Chocolates for the nurses. Got it.

32
00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:14,160
PHONE RINGS

33
00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:14,160
Hello?

34
00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:17,400
Will you be needing me today?

35
00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:20,280
I'm on my way.

36
00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:23,440
Every Monday morning,

37
00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:27,440
Hungry Paul made himself available
as a part-time postal worker.

38
00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:29,800
When duty called, he answered.

39
00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:35,400
He took great pride
in his relief role,

40
00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:37,440
happy he wasn't taking up
a whole job,

41
00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:40,640
depriving someone else of a living.

42
00:02:40,640 --> 00:02:41,720
Hello, Mrs Brown.

43
00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:46,560
Who do I talk to about this?

44
00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:49,400
Uh, see, I only do Mondays.

45
00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:51,680
But the regular fella will be back
tomorrow.

46
00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:03,280
KNOCKING

47
00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:07,800
You see, I only do Mondays.

48
00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:11,360
The regular fella will
be back tomorrow.

49
00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:14,840
Have a nice day.

50
00:03:17,640 --> 00:03:19,680
KNOCKING CONTINUES

51
00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:21,560
Nice fella.

52
00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:23,840
DOG BARKS

53
00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:23,840
Agh! God.

54
00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:35,600
Morning.

55
00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:37,480
This isn't what it looks like...

56
00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:38,720
..if it looks like mail fraud,

57
00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:40,560
because it's actually addressed
to me there.

58
00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:44,280
Unsure of the legalities

59
00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:47,640
of opening your own mail during
active service,

60
00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:50,560
Hungry Paul decided
to err on the side of caution.

61
00:03:56,720 --> 00:04:00,080
Although his Monday morning
had begun routinely enough,

62
00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:01,520
the correspondence he delivered

63
00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:05,920
to himself contained revelations of
a most unexpected nature.

64
00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:15,480
Leonard had spent much of
the weekend thinking about Shelley.

65
00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:18,400
He wanted to impress her,
but wasn't sure that either

66
00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:20,920
of his blue plaid shirts
were going to cut it.

67
00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:25,520
And then he was struck by an idea.

68
00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:31,280
Could the combination of his pyjama
top

69
00:04:31,280 --> 00:04:33,360
and taupe-coloured cords really
work?

70
00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:36,840
Without question.

71
00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:47,360
However, by the time he had arrived
at work, questions had arisen.

72
00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:50,360
Specifically, what on earth
possessed him

73
00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:52,120
to wear his pyjama top to work?

74
00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:57,440
He now felt like an inexperienced
child stepping into an adult world.

75
00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:10,200
- AUTOMATED VOICE:
- Doors closing. Please stand clear of the doors.

76
00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:12,000
- You all right?
- I'm all right, yeah.

77
00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:18,480
Doors closing. Please stand clear of
the doors.

78
00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:25,720
Doors closing. Please stand clear of
the doors.

79
00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:28,200
FAST-PACED MOBILE PHONE JINGLE

80
00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:33,520
Doors closing. Please stand clear of
the doors.

81
00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:40,000
- You going to answer that, pal?
- Me? - Doors closing. Please stand clear...

82
00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:41,360
Don't know why do you think
that was me.

83
00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:47,440
- Hello.
- Leonard, it's me. - I know.

84
00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:49,720
My sign-off phrase has been
shortlisted

85
00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:52,320
for the Chamber of Commerce email
competition.

86
00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:56,280
- That's great.
- Yeah, just found out. Thought I'd call you.

87
00:05:56,280 --> 00:05:58,920
- Glad you did.
- Right. Well, you're probably busy,

88
00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:02,440
so I won't delay. Ah, best of luck
with your seductress today.

89
00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:05,000
LEONARD CHUCKLES

90
00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:05,000
Thanks. Bye.

91
00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:09,680
FAST-PACED MOBILE PHONE JINGLE

92
00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:12,600
- Hello.
- Hi, Leonard. It's me again.

93
00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:14,840
Also, uh, Mum and Grace asked me

94
00:06:14,840 --> 00:06:17,840
to ring you about, um, wedding
numbers.

95
00:06:17,840 --> 00:06:20,240
So the thing is, you've been
allocated a plus-one

96
00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:25,960
and so have I. And now, obviously, I
won't need mine and yours is...well.

97
00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:30,560
They wondered perhaps whether we
might be each other's plus-ones,

98
00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:33,480
- thereby freeing up two spots.
- Yeah, yeah, of course.

99
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:35,600
- No problem at all.
- Ah, thanks.

100
00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:38,600
- They'll be relieved.
- Right. So see you later.

101
00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:41,400
Great. Oh, remember, it's Risk
we're playing tonight.

102
00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:45,320
- No risk...
- No reward. - ..no reward.

103
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,320
Doors closing. Please stand clear...

104
00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:53,760
There was no denying that the task

105
00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:56,800
of asking Shelley out to lunch would
be a challenge.

106
00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:02,960
And that challenge could wait
until lunchtime.

107
00:07:06,280 --> 00:07:09,000
Counterattack, symptoms...

108
00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:17,880
Leonard.

109
00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:20,280
This has to stop.

110
00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:23,720
What has...to stop?

111
00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:26,800
This. Us.

112
00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:28,400
I see how you look at me.

113
00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:33,600
- We had a lovely evening.
I know. - Pardon me?

114
00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:34,640
Yes...

115
00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:39,760
..there was chemistry.

116
00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:42,840
But I'm back with Marco now.

117
00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:46,000
You need to move on.

118
00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:49,800
Right. OK.

119
00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:52,200
Thanks for clarifying.

120
00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:54,760
Great stuff.

121
00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:58,560
Excellent. Thanks for that.

122
00:08:04,840 --> 00:08:07,160
Lunch had arrived
and there was no avoiding it.

123
00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:12,000
The time had come to ask
Shelley out.

124
00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:23,760
Yes, you can change the address
on there, too.

125
00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:26,040
Mm-hm. Mm-hm.

126
00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:31,120
Yes. That has been sent out.

127
00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:34,360
- ECHOING:
- It should be with you in two to three working days.

128
00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:35,400
Mm-hm.

129
00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:40,040
Yeah. Well, if you go on
to the customer hub

130
00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:42,320
the tracking number
should be on there.

131
00:08:42,320 --> 00:08:43,640
Yes.

132
00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:47,760
Yes, you can change the address
on there, too.

133
00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:51,400
Mm-hm. Mm-hm. OK. You're welcome.
Bye.

134
00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:54,520
- Hey, Leonard.
- Hey, Shelley.

135
00:08:55,560 --> 00:09:00,120
- Lunchtime.
- Ugh. - Thank God, right?

136
00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:05,960
LOUD CHEWING

137
00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:23,000
- I think I'll eat out today.
- Right.

138
00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:26,080
I was just going to grab a sandwich
and have lunch in the park...

139
00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:28,720
- ..if you fancy it.
- Yeah, that sounds great.

140
00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:31,280
Great.

141
00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:34,920
- QUIETLY:
- Great.

142
00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:38,120
Just grabbing my coat.

143
00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:40,240
LOUD MUNCHING

144
00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:47,080
- Huh.
- Are you sure you don't want anything?

145
00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:48,880
I'm all set. Brought my own.

146
00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:50,200
Well, you don't know what you're
missing.

147
00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:52,120
They do this thing called
The Meat Feast.

148
00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:54,600
- It's practically a barnyard in a
wrap. - Mm.

149
00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:59,000
- chicken, cow, maybe turkey, too.
- Mm!

150
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:02,000
Well, I'm a vegetarian, so...

151
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:03,040
Ah.

152
00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:06,920
- Do you mind me ordering...?
- Well...

153
00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:12,480
- I like vegetables, too.
- Ah, what?! You like vegetables, too?!

154
00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:15,440
- Yeah.
- Whoa! - Yeah. Cucumber, carrot

155
00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:17,520
Don't get me started on French
fries.

156
00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:19,000
I will try not to.

157
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:22,360
THEY CHUCKLE

158
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,600
The lunch hour they spent together

159
00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:30,280
seemed like the shortest
hour of Leonard's life.

160
00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:33,320
- We should probably get going.
- Mm. Quick, quick, quick.

161
00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:34,960
Let's just cut through all the
wallop

162
00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:38,960
and ask each other deep, searching,
personal questions. Go!

163
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:41,600
- Me?
- Yep. - Uh...

164
00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:45,120
- Come on, you can do it.
- Erm...

165
00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:46,440
Uh, tell me about yourself.

166
00:10:47,560 --> 00:10:51,760
That's so broad. I mean,
considering the time pressure.

167
00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:54,040
- Uh...
- Sorry. - No, no. I can go broad.

168
00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:58,120
I can go broad. What about if I
gave you 10-second Shelley?

169
00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:00,440
- Well, what is 10-second Shelley?
- You ready?

170
00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:04,800
- I'm ready.
- OK. Uh, I struggled at school.

171
00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:08,400
I didn't really fit in.
I found myself at art college.

172
00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:09,800
I dropped out of art college

173
00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:13,080
for reasons that I don't go into
before a third date.

174
00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:15,960
And now I work part-time admin at
Harper Wren.

175
00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:17,000
Boom.

176
00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:19,840
There's a lot to unpack there.

177
00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:22,160
OK, so now 10-second Leonard. Go.

178
00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:25,280
Uh, OK...

179
00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:27,840
I also didn't really fit
in at school either.

180
00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:32,360
Went to college, wanted to be
a children's writer and illustrator,

181
00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:34,280
got a job at Harper Wren,

182
00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:36,160
my mum died two weeks ago.

183
00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:42,880
- Oh, my God. That's...
- I went too deep. I went too deep.

184
00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:45,320
Two weeks?

185
00:11:46,920 --> 00:11:48,280
I'm really sorry.

186
00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:52,640
How are you getting on?

187
00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:57,200
I think I'm OK.

188
00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:01,720
I'm coping.

189
00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:08,920
I mean, you say that, but, uh...

190
00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:12,040
..that looks like a pyjama top
to me.

191
00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:17,160
It absolutely... It is. It is.

192
00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:20,440
- By choice?
- Yeah, I'm afraid so. - OK!

193
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:22,520
THEY CHUCKLE

194
00:12:24,680 --> 00:12:27,040
- We should probably get going.
- OK.

195
00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:31,160
Maybe we could do this again?

196
00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:34,240
You men. Always thinking
about your next Meat Feast.

197
00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:36,600
SHELLEY LAUGHS

198
00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:40,480
Number, please.

199
00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:47,320
- Uh, that's my number.
- Thank you! And I will call you

200
00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:49,120
so you've got mine.

201
00:12:51,240 --> 00:12:55,080
- FAST-PACED MOBILE PHONE JINGLE
- Uh...I'm thinking of changing that.

202
00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:58,400
Oh. Can't think why!

203
00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:58,400
THEY LAUGH

204
00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:02,400
It may have felt like the shortest
hour of Leonard's life,

205
00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:05,760
but it was an hour which,
if he wasn't mistaken,

206
00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:08,400
seemed like the start of something.

207
00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:10,760
INDISTINCT CONVERSATION

208
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:26,600
- So she didn't run for the hills when
you asked her out? - Shelley?

209
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:29,320
No, quite the opposite.

210
00:13:30,680 --> 00:13:33,240
Actually, I didn't really
ask her out.

211
00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:36,160
- We exchanged numbers, though.
- Huh! Good for you.

212
00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:39,400
I mean, what...what did
you talk about?

213
00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:40,480
I don't know.

214
00:13:41,560 --> 00:13:43,080
It's funny. I can't quite remember.

215
00:13:45,680 --> 00:13:47,360
We did talk a little about Mum.

216
00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:50,760
Somehow wasn't a downer.

217
00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:53,560
Made me realise I hadn't

218
00:13:53,560 --> 00:13:56,560
talked about Mum to anyone, really,
since she died.

219
00:13:57,640 --> 00:14:02,800
And do you...want to...talk about
her now?

220
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:04,840
No. God, no.

221
00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:08,600
- Sure.
- Thank you, though.

222
00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:08,600
THEY CHUCKLE

223
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:11,960
- So what's your next move?
- I don't know.

224
00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:15,080
I hadn't thought about that. Dinner?
Maybe a comedy gig?

225
00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:17,640
{\an8}- I guess the ball is in my court.
- No. Psh.

226
00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:21,840
{\an8}No, I meant your next MOVE.
I'm curious.

227
00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:26,160
{\an8}Invading Europe on six fronts was,
tactically speaking, questionable.

228
00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:30,240
Prrrr.

229
00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:34,760
- VOICE OVER RADIO:
- Good morning, folks.

230
00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:38,240
Today we're talking about dating
disasters.

231
00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:40,480
Tell us about the dinners
that went horribly wrong,

232
00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:43,400
the romantic gestures
that backfired spectacularly,

233
00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:45,360
and those moments
when you realised you

234
00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:47,720
completely misread the situation.

235
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,280
The following morning,

236
00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:52,280
Leonard's mind was awash
with date ideas.

237
00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:57,640
Upon leaving home
after shortlisting three

238
00:14:57,640 --> 00:15:00,720
restaurant options in the shower,
he discovered several

239
00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:03,040
more possibilities in the local
gig guide.

240
00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:14,040
The only question now was
which of them to choose.

241
00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:30,000
{\an8}- Did YOU do this?
- Yeah. I told you. Art school drop-out.

242
00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:34,560
And if I don't speak up
for the barnyard animals, who will?

243
00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:40,840
Right. Uh, yes. I...wanted to ask

244
00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:42,880
if I could make it up to you
and the barnyard animals.

245
00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:44,160
Of course.

246
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:50,040
So I was... I was wondering if, uh,
if you're...

247
00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:55,440
- Uh...
- Dinner at a vegetarian restaurant would be a great start.

248
00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:01,240
- When?
- I'm free tonight, as it happens.

249
00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:03,880
- Great.
- Great.

250
00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:07,840
FOOTSTEPS FADE AWAY

251
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:16,960
Hm...

252
00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:20,320
- Who does my brother remind me of?
- Oh, stop it!

253
00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:23,880
Leave him alone. Just a little
daytime nap.

254
00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:25,440
Oh, wait. I think I've got it.

255
00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:28,760
Winnie-the-Pooh.

256
00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:34,640
- What?
- My brother, 32-year-old Winnie-the-Pooh,

257
00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:38,200
drifting aimlessly through life
without a care in the world.

258
00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:42,200
Such a thing to say! And so unfair.

259
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:45,600
Does Winnie-the-Pooh have
a position at the Post office?

260
00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:49,800
Position? He delivers post one
morning a week.

261
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:53,320
And he's just been shortlisted
for that major award.

262
00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:55,800
- The email thing?
- Ahem.

263
00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:59,960
- I'm not trying to be unkind.
- Mm.

264
00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:05,080
I just think...maybe...it's time

265
00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:06,760
he learnt to stand on his own two
feet.

266
00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:09,120
PHONE RINGS

267
00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:14,560
- Well, that's enough of that.
- What? - That'll be Leonard.

268
00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:16,080
We have a chess game on later.

269
00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:20,080
RINGING CONTINUES

270
00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:20,080
Now...

271
00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:21,760
..how does this feel?

272
00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:24,040
Yeah, good. Thanks, Mum.

273
00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:30,280
It baffled Grace how her mother,
so intelligent and insightful,

274
00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:33,160
had such a blind spot
when it came to Hungry Paul.

275
00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:36,320
Helen knew that someday,

276
00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:40,040
if Grace had a sunfish of her own,
she would understand.

277
00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:45,720
- I see.
- It's just that Shelley's free tonight.

278
00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:48,360
I'm sorry. I tried to call earlier,
but...

279
00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:51,200
Really, it's, uh... It's all right.

280
00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:55,760
- You have a nice evening.
- See you later?

281
00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:57,480
- COLDLY:
- Bye, Leonard.

282
00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:01,160
Unable to remember Leonard

283
00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:04,720
ever having cancelled games night

284
00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:04,720
before...

285
00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:04,720
PHONE PLACED DOWN

286
00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:08,440
..Hungry Paul was left
with an uneasy feeling.

287
00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:11,440
Leonard was also experiencing
an uneasy feeling,

288
00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:13,560
but of a very different kind.

289
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:16,200
Not wanting to be unfashionably
early at

290
00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:17,920
the vegetarian restaurant,

291
00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:20,680
he decided to avail of the toilets
next door.

292
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:25,200
I know normally you need to buy
a meal here to use the toilet,

293
00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:28,280
but I've got a date next door and
I'm early, so...

294
00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:33,680
I'm not being tight. It's just
everything here

295
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:35,960
comes with a burger and she's a
vegetarian,

296
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:38,680
so I don't want meat breath.
And if I don't eat the burger,

297
00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:40,720
then the cow will have
been slaughtered for nothing

298
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:42,520
and that doesn't seem right
because she's a vegetarian.

299
00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:45,480
I mean, the date, obviously not the
cow!

300
00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:52,480
So if I can just quickly use your
toilet...

301
00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:04,040
Though time was now somewhat against
him, Leonard felt he must

302
00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:06,800
still eat his meal deal out
of respect for the cow.

303
00:19:25,360 --> 00:19:27,600
Look at this one. It's lovely.
It reminds me of,

304
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:30,280
um, Gwyneth Paltrow in
Maid in Manhattan.

305
00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:33,200
Gwyneth Paltrow wasn't in
Maid in Manhattan.

306
00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:36,880
- That was Elisabeth Shue.
- No, it wasn't.

307
00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:39,360
What film am I thinking of?

308
00:19:39,360 --> 00:19:42,160
How would I know what film you're
thinking of?

309
00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:46,080
- I love that one.
- Oh, yeah. - Yeah.

310
00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:48,640
- Where are you off to, love?
- Uh, anywhere else.

311
00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:51,600
Maybe I'll visit the hospital.

312
00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:53,520
Well, don't forget to tell
Mrs Hawthorne

313
00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:54,880
about the email competition.

314
00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:57,840
- Yeah.
- And the chocolates for the nurses.

315
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:01,440
You want to show off

316
00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:03,920
- all your curls.
- QUIETLY: - Chocolates for the nurses.

317
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:18,000
Hungry Paul was a man
who normally stood as a weir,

318
00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:21,200
allowing the world to wash over
and through him.

319
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:23,720
However, upon discovering the
chocolates

320
00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:29,080
were past their best-before date,
he could not stand idly by.

321
00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:36,280
His rising sense of injustice
was solely directed towards

322
00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:38,600
the corporate monster
that had sold his mother

323
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:40,320
the chocolates in the first place.

324
00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:44,120
- Ahem!
- Yes?

325
00:20:44,120 --> 00:20:47,240
I would very much like to speak to
the manager, please.

326
00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:51,520
I see. And you don't think maybe I
might be able to help?

327
00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:55,720
Or is the matter in question
so complex that only the manager

328
00:20:55,720 --> 00:21:00,080
- could possibly deal with it?
- These chocolates are out-of-date.

329
00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:03,320
Finbar!

330
00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:04,680
Out-of-date chocolates.

331
00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:12,760
- Finbar Hogan.
- Care to explain...Finbar?

332
00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:16,000
Well, the good news is, thankfully,

333
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:18,880
it wasn't a more serious food item
that was out-of-date.

334
00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:22,240
- You know, a ham, chicken goujons,
fish... - Cheese.

335
00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:25,760
- No. Not cheese, Deirdre.
- Excuse me.

336
00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:27,080
These chocolates are not just
out-of-date.

337
00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:28,480
They are...

338
00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:33,000
..significantly out of date.

339
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,520
Well, I'm so sorry for the
inconvenience.

340
00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:38,080
You can swap them
for another one there.

341
00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:39,800
Swap?

342
00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:42,040
No, no. It's not about the
chocolates.

343
00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:46,320
It's the principle. You see,
I purchased these chocolates -

344
00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:50,920
or rather, my mother did -
for the kind people at the hospital.

345
00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:52,440
How very unfortunate.

346
00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:56,560
- But maybe...
- Can the brave nurses of Crown Wood Hospital not enjoy

347
00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:58,280
the modest luxury of a strawberry
whirl

348
00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:01,520
without writhing feverishly on
the bathroom floor,

349
00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:05,800
- clutching the bowl for dear life?
- I bought bread here once,

350
00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:08,760
which was mouldy when I opened it
up at home.

351
00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:12,360
It appears I'm not alone.

352
00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:16,000
And are you sure you bought
the chocolate here?

353
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:18,600
- Do you have a receipt?
- If it is evidence you want,

354
00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:21,040
- I can supply that in court.
- Calm down.

355
00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:22,600
It's only chocolate we're talking
about.

356
00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:25,680
Even out-of-date, I'm sure it won't
do anybody any harm!

357
00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:28,120
Uh, you eat one then. Since you're
so sure.

358
00:22:28,120 --> 00:22:30,280
Yeah. You eat one.

359
00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:33,280
You know what? I will.

360
00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:39,880
Finbar Hogan expected to see fine
and edible chocolates.

361
00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:43,600
Hungry Paul expected to see
a selection of rotten confectionery.

362
00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:47,480
Deirdre hoped to see her boss
squirm.

363
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:52,480
But they were all surprised to see
it was something entirely different.

364
00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:06,840
This appears to be somebody's sewing
kit.

365
00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:12,840
- Dope.
- An honest mistake. Tell you what.

366
00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:14,680
From one chocolate lover to
another...

367
00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:19,280
..no hard feelings.

368
00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:27,240
Under the fluorescent tube
lighting, catatonic with failure,

369
00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:30,520
Hungry Paul stood at his most
alone...

370
00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:34,480
..only now realising what had
driven him

371
00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:36,720
to take this uncharacteristic step.

372
00:23:39,040 --> 00:23:40,800
Things were moving on without him.

373
00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:43,520
Grace was getting married.

374
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:48,680
Leonard had a girlfriend.
And his recently retired parents

375
00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:51,040
were entering a new phase of their
lives.

376
00:23:53,560 --> 00:23:55,560
Although he was happy for them all,

377
00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:58,720
he couldn't play board games every
night by himself.

378
00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:02,960
What was he supposed to do next?

379
00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:17,640
- See? Wasn't that bad, was it?
- I didn't know

380
00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:19,320
that courgettes could be so
versatile.

381
00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:21,920
- Ooh!
- I don't know why I ever ate

382
00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:21,920
meat.

383
00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:21,920
SHELLEY LAUGHS

384
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:27,920
- Can I ask you a question?
- More questions?

385
00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:30,000
One more.

386
00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:30,000
THEY LAUGH

387
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:33,920
OK. So we've talked
about favourite bands,

388
00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:38,240
favourite films, favourite childhood
sweets...

389
00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:45,160
- ..favourite books.
- Mill On The Floss.

390
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:48,880
So what first-date question is there
possibly left to ask?

391
00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:50,880
Uh...

392
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:52,640
What did I do right?

393
00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:54,760
I can't imagine what it was,

394
00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:57,560
- but I'd like to know so I can keep
doing it. - What...

395
00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:00,560
Are you asking me what I saw in you?

396
00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:07,880
- Agh!
- I guess...so. Yes, uh, yeah, I-I am. I am.

397
00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:11,200
Well, that is a terrible question
to ask anybody, by the way.

398
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:12,920
Sorry.

399
00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:14,960
LEONARD EXHALES RHYTHMICALLY

400
00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:17,120
Well, it certainly wasn't the whole

401
00:25:17,120 --> 00:25:19,120
wearing your pyjamas into work
thing.

402
00:25:19,120 --> 00:25:22,720
- Oh, really?
- Yeah. Yeah, sorry. Um...

403
00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:27,760
I don't know. I suppose I didn't
really see you at first.

404
00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:31,720
I recognised you, but I think...

405
00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:33,920
..for some reason I just
looked past you.

406
00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:40,960
But I did always find your books
magical.

407
00:25:40,960 --> 00:25:43,000
Did you?

408
00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:44,360
And, um...

409
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:50,880
..considering my impressive and
immense experience,

410
00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:54,280
when I did meet you, I found you
quite gentle.

411
00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:59,880
And I think gentleness is kind
of hard to come by

412
00:25:59,880 --> 00:26:01,160
- in this world, you know?
- Mm.

413
00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:06,480
- How was that?
- Well, I don't really sound like a great love,

414
00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:09,200
- more like a great neighbour, but...
- It was a terrible question.

415
00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:14,560
- It's good!
- OK, you try it now. What did you find about me?

416
00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:16,520
I just think you're breathtaking.

417
00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:21,280
It had been a long time since anyone
had looked at Shelley

418
00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:22,480
and called her special

419
00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:24,960
without any calculation or
contrivance.

420
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:29,640
Leonard's sincerity had a perfection
about it.

421
00:26:31,240 --> 00:26:34,280
This is the part you kiss me like a
gentleman, by the way.

422
00:26:48,920 --> 00:26:50,440
Take it easy on the protein,
won't you?

423
00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:53,360
SHE CHUCKLES

424
00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:53,360
Goodnight, Leonard.

425
00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:17,080
Happy to prolong his mood,

426
00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:19,440
Leonard walked home on
that cloudless night

427
00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:21,080
with a light heart and nothing

428
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:23,560
above him but his expanding
universe.

429
00:27:23,610 --> 00:27:28,160
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